In my previous post: How To Use Your Doubts And Fears To Build Your Business, I brought up something that makes us all a little uncomfortable: our biggest doubts and fears.
More specifically, insecurities that have you stuck in your situation, or are hurting your ability to set effective goals for yourself.
I covered how improving your mindset will improve your productivity;
How to build the confidence to believe in your business, and the questions you need to ask to get better at what you do.
I introduced the idea that quality thought creates quality work.
Pretty deep stuff, but it’s just another way of saying that your thoughts combined with a healthy growth mindset can shape and improve your output.
Last time we also began to address our jealousy and insecurities. If you made the time for some deep thought on the topic, I’m glad you’re back. If not, you can still follow along!
Now thinking back on it (or if you’re anything like me you wrote it down and you’re looking at it right now), what were you thinking about?
What stood out to you the most, or what struck a chord for you? Use these to get back into a deep thinking state. I highly suggest recording your thinking process to refer to as your company grows.
In other words, what pissed you off the most? If the jealous feelings you were having before are more complex, odds are they’re not vain, and valid. The causes or solutions just might be too hard to see at first glance.
It must be 2005, because you may now pull out your burn book. You’re going to write why you hate that witch so much. Everything, don’t hold back.
Now that you’re left with some unbiased observations of your insecurities, you can now use this new information for good!
You’ve boiled this list down to the point where you can now clearly see your doubts and fears laid in-front of you. It’s daunting.
If you’re not a chaotic personality like me, I’m sure this can even be a bit scary. Our primitive monkey brains are programmed to do the easiest thing every time. To avoid confrontation and change, but that gets you nowhere really fast.
Using your simplified list of descriptive words, expand upon those words and state the real problem. Then you can create constructive solutions on how to tackle your problem.
An example would be if you’re jealous of how someone is better at you than something, you’re probably just not confident in your ability. A constructive alternative though would be that your skills maybe aren’t up to snuff. A constructive solution would be to enrol in a class or workshop to improve your abilities and confidence in what you’re doing.
For instance, when I’m having trouble getting started on a painting, I watch someone else paint for a while because it inspires elements of new ideas for me. If I’m feeling bad about my drawing abilities, I’ll visit the @IARTHAMONT private studio for Monday night life-drawing and get more practice in.
Reinforcing your knowledge can be the confidence-builder you need to keep moving forward, whether in your career or life or personal life.
I’ve done many revisions of my list and so you will need as well, as nothing in life is static. Skills grow while not being measured, there’s a human need for gradual change, and our values and emotions evolve with age.
This entire exercise was a big one in helping me start out when I decided to “make things work for me“ almost 4 years ago. It clearly helped.
You’re never too young to plan, or too old to dream.
But more specifically, this kind of thinking helped me first start to envision where I wanted to go in life and what I needed out of it, at 20 years old. I only mention my age because you’re never too young to plan, or too old to dream.
The points I listed in my own exercise also led me to look toward more positive role models in what I refer to broadly as my field in “content creation”. Whenever I have self-doubt or feel like my work is going nowhere I will put on one of their videos/podcasts/songs and remember why I started “making things work for me” in the first place.
You may not think spending the time with your thoughts helpful, but I hope after this two part series I have convinced you otherwise. What I call, deep thought or deep thinking, is such a useful tool that we should be making more time for and I will be mentioning continually going forward.
I think you can do it. If you apply what you’ve read today, you #canhaveitall just like every social media influencer you admire, youtuber you respect, or even another artist you envy.
Having your cake and eating it too may sound too good to be true, but I’ve been eating my cake for over a year. And that’s why I believe in you, because I’m doing it to!
Out of fear of not sounding gimmicky enough, just do it!
Joey @ The A/J
Have you ever wanted to start over? Hit the reset button on your life? Quit what you’re doing and go for your dream?
I must admit, it can be a huge privilege to do so. My true obligations are to keep my home running like a well-oiled machine, care for family, and to upkeep a part-time income. But that being said, I’m still keeping up a regular income with my business.
Or you might even be in the situation where — as most people I know — you have a stable job that you don’t have an intention on leaving. You’re satisfied with where you’re at right now, even content. But, haven’t you had the urge to do more?
What if there was something you’ve always wanted to dabble with, or even profit from? And what’s the harm in making an enjoyable part-time income on top of a job you already enjoy?
A huge part is of getting comfortable with your fears is mindset.
- “I don’t have enough.”
- “I’m not good enough.”
- “That’s not for me.”
- “I’m no good at that!”
These are not what productive and successful creative minds think. These are limiting doubts, and we don’t have time for these!
I have enough. I am enough.Your new mantra
This is my biggest mantra I pass onto you, young grasshopper. Because once you are enough, you will be able to accomplish things you once thought you never could.
But, this all does not come by just believing in yourself. You can do as many self-love rituals and as much bullet journaling as you want, but if you never ask yourself the right questions you will not find the answers you need.
The human brain needs specific, measurable goals. An abstract concept such as mindfulness and dreaming are far less likely to have the same, lasting result. I have some better alternatives to get you in the right mindset to figure out where to go.
Can you tell me why don’t you believe in yourself? Are you simply lacking the skills you need to succeed?
Look at what relevant skills you are lacking, by locating where your insecurities stem from. This means look at those around you. The best way to see your own insecurities is to notice what you’re jealous of. If you’re jealous of someone, pinpoint why. This was a huge eye-opener for me.
This change in perspective helped me realize: how much I want to help others in their creative careers; that I needed to start my (third, cough) blog, that I’m Transgender…
So, what makes you jealous, and why? It’s quite transformative thinking,(pun intended) and can help open your eyes to what you feel you’re lacking in your life and in your self.
That being said, some of these enviable attributes are healthy to indulge, but some are toxic. Looks, money, and fame are not qualities to be jealous over — they’re unproductive time-sucks and career-enders.
Instead, focus on a person’s credibility, influence in their field, the success of their online store, skills acquired through hundreds or thousands of hours of practice, or having the dedication to devote that amount of practice to something. Look for qualities in their work and practice as well as their lifestyle choices.
Some constructive questions to ask yourself are:
- How did you meet/hear of them?
- What do they do in their career, or lifestyle?
- How much more skilled are they than you?
- What are they known for?
- What qualities make you the most jealous, and are they vain/shallow?
You might posses a few of these qualities and you just can’t see it. You should ask some friends words they would use to describe you. Some things I have learned from others is that I’m brave, giving, loyal, strong, and confident; some of these things I would have never called myself.
You may find you have some baggage and honestly, you need to let that lie or deal with that shit later because we have bigger fish to fry today. I’m a big believer in “If it ain’t broke, don’t fix it”. Today we’re only talking about how to get up off your ass and take control of your thoughts and feelings, not a therapy session!
An amazing concept I’ve come across this year is;
Pretty deep stuff, but basically it’s saying that quality thoughts create quality work. Your thoughts combined with a healthy growth mindset can shape and improve your output, which in this case would be whatever you’re trying to sell!
This has probably been a lot to take in. Having conversations with people like this in person, I find many get overwhelmed with being confronted by their insecurities. We so naturally hide from them, so don’t feel bad if this is you.
I really want to help you get more confident in yourself and about your work!
That is why this is only Part 1 of 2 articles! After writing and formatting this piece I found it to be too much to digest at once, so I want to give you some time to think about everything we talked about here. I also want to hear how opening your Etsy shop has been going.
Speaking of, do you want to know how I increased my Etsy sales after freeing myself from my desk? I know my Etsy shop workflow will benefit your small business practice and make you feel like the badass boss you are!
Until next time,
Joey @ The A/J